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I'm Him

by Dan Veksler

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1.
Hey ma, don't you have any stealth? In God's own bush to stash your secret wealth Can't you row out to the foggy island? Can't you lean on the broken wall? Can't you make any effort at all? Who, who Who, who Who goes there? Hey ma, won't you knock on the gate? When it comes to Push, Shove will feed you a plate Of sausage pearl strings rich and rare Of charcuterie and milk and honey Of weird butchery and silk and money Who, who Who, who Who goes there?
2.
"Potatoes, potatoes!" I heard you call out As the lobsterbacks crested the hill Potatoes were with us in the fires of Lamonte And in the sandpaper grass of Castille Potatoes were there when we took Santa Fe When the Spaniards grabbed ankle and split By the time we got to Idaho As far as the eye would go Potatoes were anywhere you'd spit Work is not a wolf Work is not a wolf It won't run off on you Into the woods I followed potatoes as far as they'd lead And I arrived at your glorious door I always did hate those content looking lovers But potatoes have led me to you And that means that you're mine And so is happiness Work is not a wolf Work is not a wolf It won't take off on you And run into the woods
3.
The first time I married for money The second time I married for drugs The third time I married for honey The fourth time it was all about hugs The fifth time I married for glory The sixth time I married for brains The seventh time I married her body The eighth time I married her games The ninth time I married for wisdom The tenth time I married for heart Eleventh one I married I immediately buried The twelfth time I married for art By number thirteen I was tired and unhinged All number fourteen could do was cringe The fifteenth time I married for a place to put my treasure The sixteenth time I married she gave me esthetic pleasure The seventeenth time I lost every dime But it was still not as bad as the eighteenth time The nineteenth time I married a log The twentieth time I fell in love with a frog By twenty-one I was feeling things were slowing By twenty-two I forgot where I'd been going The twenty-third time I fell in a well The twenty-fourth time I bought us a farm
4.
Nail Me 02:28
Hold me in your tunic, press me to your heart Tear the meat of crocodiles eating me apart Show me to your vestibule, strand me in your door And tell me I don't need to run no more Tell me I don't need to run no more Chew me like a sirloin, eat me like I'm pork Stab me with your knife, babe, pin me with your fork Stand me up inside myself, turn me inside out Tip me and pour me out And then you tip me and pour me out Love me like a terrorist, take me to your mom Show me to your therapist and say I did pogrom Eat me out from crevices, coax me out of holes And mount me crucified on poles Mount me crucified on poles Feed me to your cherubim, drown me in your tears See me from a perspective of cold hard fear Say you'll be my nurse and maid, say you'll be my friend Say whatever you gotta say Starve me of your intellect, starve me of your heart Act like my shit ain't nothing, blow my apple cart Love inside this language ends in slavery You might as well nail me to your tree Might as well nail me - nail me to your tree Might as well nail me now, nail me to your tree
5.
You've got to be joking when you claim that you love As though there is no reality, no all-seeing heaven above Your suntan is leaking, some love potion reeks from your breath You can only love those who have been made nothing by death You love getting hit by a car You love getting hit by a car When I was with you, it felt like falling because you were so empty And not in a Buddhist way either. Don't even tempt me To tell you about what I think of the way that you live I wanted to be nice to you, but I just cannot forgive The way you loved getting hit by that car You loved getting hit by a car Everything good to you is a weapon And everything bad is where you make your home You thought you were punishing me when you decided to ghost me Laughable! You did me a favor and it made you look bad mostly Go float off in your toxic bubble, go murder your friends So no one is left anymore to care how your story ends You'll probably love getting hit by a car You're gonna love getting hit by a car
6.
I'm Him 02:43
When he's out for a stroll If I'm not in control, I hyde You'd never know I'm there I'm always on the deep inside My destiny is clear I'm doomed to rot in here And dream of suicide I am the dark for him My master and my twin - he hates The part of him that's me He keeps me locked behind his gates I temporarily Can force my way part free By overpowering him And brutalizing people I'm ugly so he fucks me like a jackal He wants to starve me, stone me, freeze me out I'm him, but he just cannot come to terms I live inside his cage My bitterness is justified I am his secret rage The loneliness he can't abide And if the world doesn't want me Then it can go to hell My hopes and dreams are at the bottom Of your deepest well I'll use him to commit Crimes of which you'll acquit Me, while convicting him I'm hungry so he sucks me like a jackal I'm poison so he wants to spit me out On his spotless linen I'm the sperm In his eden apple I'm the worm I'm him but he just cannot come to terms
7.
I saw you sitting in the hotel bar C'est naturel, n'est-ce pas? C'est naturel, n'est-ce pas? I got your number from the hotel register C'est naturel, n'est-ce pas? C'est naturel. I figured out the window of your hotel room I will be seeing you soon Babaduwah, hey I've always wanted this exact adventure, now You continental frau I'll get to you somehow A bad boy intellectual nervous smart-ass jew That's just the kind of do I'll bet that you're into I'm gonna burst upon you like an autumn gust A paroxysm of lust Babaduwah I type this little story on my telephone As I walk home Just how I like - alone There is a woman there who's good to me Sees what there is to see And makes me want to be I've been to Turkey, Panama, Saigon, Senegal Now I'm in true love's thrall
8.
Thanks for the silencia Thanks for all the tears Thanks for making totems of your fears Thanks likewise for making sure There was narrow aperture Why not sew your eyes shut altogether, dear? Terror and suffering Not playing buffering Guilt trips and grievances That's what you think is love My mind is full of poison My heart is full of glee You're in the dark, you're peering, but you can't see me My cup it overfloweth My life is full of woe You've got the time to listen, but you can't know Trouble and suffering Hunger and poverty Heartache and misery That's what I think is love Depression and suicide That's what I think of love There ain't nothing left to prove We both know when you make one wrong move I'm a swarm, extreme about my hive You know this thing ain't got no legs We're just here because we need the eggs But how do you propose to take me alive? Champagne and misery Struggle and desperation Constant humiliation That's what we make of love Torture and treachery Libel and lechery Betrayal and deceit That's what we've made of love Paranoia, claustrophobia, asphyxiation That's what we call love
9.
Mirror, mirror on the wall Who is the president after all? The question in my nerves is lit I know there is no answer fit Mirror, mirror - either, or In or out, it's always war There's a hellbog in my soul That makes my self too hot to hold If I whip up enough contempt Might I from loving be exempt Fractals - everything I do You multiply my evil too Mirror, mirror all around There's nowhere to go to ground You're the sky and I'm the sea Mirror, mirror, mirror me
10.
All the rocks are going to melt All the docks are going to melt All the mountains will be pebbles No more lofty than a spelt All God's children are going to melt Indonesian, Maori, Celt Whatever cards that you've been dealt You'll be the dust that feeds the spelt Streets of houses are going to melt Mom and dad are going to melt The atmosphere will pulverize No more day and nighttime skies Lava, lava everywhere You'd have magma in your hair If you had any, but you Will be deader than a shoe All the cars are going to melt All the stars are going to melt Every wall that stands must crumble Every bridge is doomed to tumble All the countries and their gelt It's all just kindling for the smelt Whatever you might have thought you felt Everything is going to melt
11.
Cakes 02:46
We eat the cakes The baker makes He feeds us all We bow and scrape We can't escape The wrecking ball United States Appreciates The strong and silent type The friendly geek We eat the cakes The baker makes To plug our leaks We eat the pies The Lord supplies We play our role We're not religious And we want no benefits We just have a soul Another mile Another smile Another posture to deflect the truth The naked hero The dolled up zero The Edwin Booth He twists no arms Employs no charms It's him you need We eat the cakes The maker bakes We are the mouths he feeds Now it's dark We must believe the spark The choice is made
12.
Potatoes are you planted into the soil Where you sprout subterranean eyes They're every invader your flesh has absorbed Whose dead carcass rots where it lies Potatoes are in when all others are out They're why you're who you are when you're old They give you the blood Wash away all the mud And you glimmer more splendid than gold Work is not a wolf

credits

released November 22, 2023

All songs by Dan Veksler
Recorded, mixed, and mastered at Sunrise Studios
Cover photo by Eyal Marcovici
Cover design by Ilya Popenko

Special thanks to Yuri Broze, Marina Gusel, Stephen Clair, and James Cropcho

© Kopf von Haydn Records, 2023

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Dan Veksler Brooklyn, New York

Dan Veksler is a songwriter, composer, producer, and multi-instrumentalist living in New York City.

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